


where villains spend the weekend

by bokeae



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bruises, Bullying, Burning, Colours, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Fluff, Hurt!Dan, M/M, Pastel!Phil, Phan Angst, Phan through the years, Phanfiction, Plantboy Phil, Representation, Scared!Phil, Violence, abusive!dan kinda, adult!phan, angst so much angsyt, be careful bullying is mentioned, hurt!phil, kiddie!phan, listen i've been reading a lot of phanetixs' phanfics and metaphors are rubbing off on me, lowkey shout out, metaphors??????, misunderstood!dan, pastel!Phil is underrated, shortest chapters oh my god, teenage!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-24 10:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8368201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokeae/pseuds/bokeae
Summary: Dan talks with bruised knuckles and Phil's off limits.(alternatively, Dan's intensely hot tempered and he has a soft spot for Phil and his stupid flower crowns that wilt on his hair.)





	1. red

**Author's Note:**

> my second chaptered fic?????/i think???? hopefully it won't be a mess like amaryllis lmao. ummm so read with caution (or don't read at all) if bullying, abuse, slight gore (?) violence triggers you.
> 
> im [@bokeae](http://bokeae.tumblr.com/) on tumblr so hit me up????

Dan saw things in red.

He didn't know what that meant.

He heard it when he was five and his teacher was talking to his parents in whispers. "He sees red," was a part of the conversation he managed to pick out and understood. It confused him a fair bit because nothing was red in the room, except for the fake telephone he snatched from Kate and the number 5 that balanced unsteadily on the wall, among other colourful numbers.

And he squinted because maybe he was meant to see red? 

He saw red again a few days later because he wasn't allowed back in the school for a couple of days.

"Is it because I hit Joey?" He asked.

"It's because you made him bleed." His mum replied, harshly.

"Is that what 'seeing red' means? I saw him bleed." Dan answered, playing with the red paint his mum had bought him.

His mum sighed because 'what were they going to do with him?'

Dan coated his hands in red and placed it on the paper. He listened to his mum tell him that he shouldn't hurt other people.

"He took Phil's flower crown." Dan said to justify his actions.

"What, who's Phil?"

"The nice boy who looks like the sun." Dan trying to pick the red out of his nails. "I don't think he's ever seen red."

She clenched her jaw.

"Phil, uh, he wears flowers?" She asked.

"Sometimes. It's dumb, he looks like a girl." Dan said but he found it endearing too- and endearing was a word too big and he didn't understand anything but he felt like smiling when the flower crown slipped down on Phil's head.

And Phil didn't care as much when Joey stole the crown because it wasn't a proper crown anyways, some year six girls found him cute and made one out of wilted flowers. And he didn't mind when Joey took them because they were dead anyways and he felt worse for the girls.

The flowers were red and pink and Dan think he knew what the phrase meant.

But at the same time, he didn't.

And he didn't get why Phil stared at him with a horrified stare after he returned the red flower crown with dried blood stuck underneath his finger nails.


	2. purple

Dan liked purple.

And his dad yelled at him for that, "what, you a pansy, Dan?" and Dan didn't understand because he was six and weren't pansies flowers?

The only reason he knew that is because Phil liked giving out flowers he stole from his mum's little flower shop and she knew, he wasn't as discreet as he thought but that's ok.

"Spending too much time with the flower gay, ain't it?" His dad asked and Dan was confused again.

"Huh?" He said and his mum nudged his dad's foot with an angered look.

"Don't say that, in front of him." She snapped.

And his dad was too masculine in his head, he wouldn't even touch Dan in some cases but Dan didn't notice, he was caught up in the colour purple.

It was horrifying but it was pretty too.

And maybe the first time he liked purple was when he punched George because he kept hogging all the red pencils and "red is my colour, George!"

He fell off his seat when Dan punched him and Phil was screaming because he was scared and outraged. But he was used to it, everyone was used to Dan throwing fits and hitting people.

George had a purple stain on his cheek and Dan wouldn't stop staring because it looked gross but cool.

And it only looked cool because Dan was six and a little messed up.

Phil was too scared to give Dan a pansy because Dan was scary and Phil bruised easily.

So after he stole a bunch of pansies from his mum's shop, he made sure to get one less so he could nicely tell Dan he "ran out, I'm sorry."

But Phil was terrible at maths and talking so he ended up with two extras and maybe he needed glasses too because Dan was a peculiar shade of red.

"Have you seen red again?" Phil asked and he knew what it meant because his mum was a Taurus and she said bulls get angry when they see red.

Dan tilted his head because he's never really talked to Phil because maybe his nice aura intimidated him.

"I'm seeing purple." Dan said and he still didn't know what it meant.

Phil raised an eyebrow because he's never heard that before.

"You don't see purple."

"You calling me blind or something?" Dan asked and maybe it came out harsher and Dan tried to redeem himself.

But Phil's face was purple now, because he was scared and the lilac shirt made the scarlet blush look more violet.

"N-no, I'm sorry." And he walked away because that's what his mum told him to do after he told her how scary Dan is.

"Stay away from him, he's a bad influence." She said and he didn't know what influence meant but judging from her tone, he knew it wasn't good.

 


	3. blue

It was cold and Phil was sitting alone in the park.

And Dan's dad scoffed and made a comment about his flowers but Dan wasn't listening.

"It's cold." Dan said and his dad rolled his eyes.

And they weren't meant to be here in the first place but his mum needed the toilet and yeah, the toilets there were gross and the flushes broke half the time but it was urgent. 

His dad sat in the car, the heater was broken and Dan's eyes were set on Phil's freezing form.

His dad was on his phone, ranting about the news and Dan ran out of the car because he honestly couldn't care less about the "goddamn gays," and "fucking black people." 

And Phil looked up with wide eyes and blue lips and Dan sat down in front of him.

"Where's your mum?" Dan asked.

"Mum left town." And Dan furrowed his eyebrows because why was Phil so scared and blue?

"Without you? Why're you alone?"

Phil looked down, sniffling a little.

"Mum got some- some boys to look after me." Phil said, voice shaky. "They came here to talk to some girls and um- they couldn't leave me so- so they took me. But they forgot to bring me back."

Dan frowned and touched Phil's bottom lip and his dad was shouting.

"Why is it blue?" He asked and he looked at Phil's eyes and God, they were blue too.

And scared.

"I'm cold."

"Take my jacket."

"You'll be cold."

"I'm not blue, Phil!" Dan screamed and flung his jacket around Phil who was wearing a thick sweater anyways. "My dad won't help you. I can't take you home."

"Why can't he help me?"

"He hates you." Dan answered, watching his dad storm nearer.

"Why?"

"You wear flowers and nail polish. It's weird." Dan said.

"Oh."

"But I think it's nice."

"My mum hates you too." Phil said.

"Why?"

"You hit people. And you're scary sometimes." Phil said. "All the time."

"Am I scary now?"

"All the time."

And Dan was yanked away and yelled at for talking to the "fucking faggot."

But it was ok because his mum was nicer and she offered to call Phil's mum.

"Um, call PJ. He's my friend, his mum won't mind me staying over." Phil offered and he was ok. Dan watched there blue leave Phil's lips.

And he had mixed feeling about blue because it hurt Phil.

But at the same time, his eyes were the bluest of blues and his dad was gripping the steering wheel tightly.

 


	4. green

At this point, Dan's teachers all had grey hair because he was a mess and he had detention for the 34th time that year.

He ate Gina's sandwich because it was better than his and she became submissive after a few slaps.

And he watched Phil eat his meal of carrots and small burgers and sometimes Dan was jealous.

Because Phil had 13 friends who laughed at his stupid dinosaur jokes.

And he had friends who gave him food even after his teacher told them not to.

And he had friends who'd paint his nails at lunch.

People avoided Dan and that was to be expected because he was 8 and his eyes had a dark look of murder in them.

And he had a scar from his cheekbone down and he thought it was cool. Phil winced at first but Dan was trying to be positive.

He blamed Phil for it, he blamed him entirely because he'd been talking about poppies when Dan's parents came down to see why all the teachers were complaining about him. And Dan was staring at Phil, almost longingly because green leaves were poking out of his hair and he looked radiant.

Phil smiled a lot and Dan's dad hated how- how 'gay' Dan looked right then and there.

"I- I don't know what that means!" Dan had screamed when his dad yelled at him after school.

"Gay, it means you like Phil!" His dad screamed and Dan was confused and scared.

"Everyone likes Phil." Dan said and his dad forgot to take out his wedding ring when he hit Dan.

So he tried to stop liking Phil because he didn't like being hit. He resorted to jealousy and Phil called him green.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked because he wasn't meant to like Phil, he wasn't meant to get sad when Phil shrunk down in fear- he was meant to hate him because he's why his dad hates Dan.

"Jealousy. Green, like, it's green." and he was bad at explaining under pressure.

"I'm not green!" Dan yelled, crimson crawling up to his cheeks.

"You're red." Phil answered and Dan pushed him into the wall because how fucking dare he be so- so perfect and amazing?

"I hate you!" Dan yelled and Phil cried. He didn't mean that, he'd never mean that but he had to say that, he had to make himself believe or his dad would use his belt instead of his fist. "i hate you so much!"

"Why?" Phil asked, voice broken and Dan didn't have an answer.

So he saw red again, and he saw green and blue- lot's of blue and he nearly sent PJ to the hospital.

Dan's never seen so much purple and he looked at his broken knuckles.

 


	5. grey

Phil didn't talk to him and Dan had to look away every time he came near.

Phil threw a huge party on his birthday and everyone went. Dan went too because Alex told him invitations weren't needed. Then again, Alex used to think chickens have milk.

"Why else would they have breasts? Duh, for milk!" Was his logic and Dan tried to punch some sense into him.

Maybe it worked, he didn't mention it ever again.

Phil's mum's eyes popped out when she saw Dan wearing a black shirt and pants. And his hair was finally done right and he had flowers. He had picked out the flowers from phil's front yard, she saw. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Phil's birthday. I- he's nine now." Dan said and Phil's mum raised an eyebrow.

"Thought you hated me." Phil suddenly said, appearing behind his mum. "Why're you here?"

"You're nine."

"So?"

"So happy birthday." Dan said, "Got you some flowers."

"Do you think I'm stupid?! Those are my flowers- go away!" Phil yelled.

"I- it's your birthday-"

"Well you're ruining it!"

"But-"

"I hate you too!" Phil screamed, stomping his feet and Dan didn't see red.

Just grey.

"I- I didn't mean it." Dan confessed and he quickly looked behind, cautious of his dad.

"Well I do."

And Dan felt his throat sew up and he couldn't breathe.

"Phil, calm down- be nice-" His mum urged because Dan looked as if he was going to cry. Everyone was watching at this point.

"Be nice?! He pushed me, he nearly killed PJ, he's so mean-"

"I gave you my jacket."

"Why are you still here? Go away, no one likes you." Phil growled and he could see the veins popping out of Dan's temple.

So he broke the mailbox on his way out and he pushed Chris into the hedge and he spat on Lucy's hair and the rose bush.

And Phil stayed around the curb long enough to see him crying grey tears and throwing away the flowers he picked up. 

 


	6. yellow

Dan was sure he was forgiven at this point.

Phil had turned his head up every time Dan walked by with a grey look and Dan would try to smile. Because he didn't hate Phil and he didn't want Phil to hate him.

But there was a new kid who had a crew cut and a hatred for yellow. 

"It's canary." Phil explained, wrenching his hand away from him. The new guy let out a harsh laugh and took a step forward.

"That's gay talk for light yellow, ain't it?" He snapped, picking at the 'canary' coloured flower crown Phil had. 

"I-I-I-"

The new kid swore a lot and Dan pushed him into a wall when he got too close to Phil.

"Stay the fuck away." Dan hissed because he had learnt swears too.

"What, you his faggot boyfriend?" He threatened back.

"I'm your worst nightmare." And the new kid was scared and Phil wondered if that line was from 'Mulan.'

Mrs Carmine had to pull away Dan from the new kid, "It's Ryan's first day, hands off."

Ryan choked Phil at Lunch by the abandoned library that was under renovation. The area smelt of paint and Phil was wedged up against the faded yellow wall.

His flower crown was trampled on the ground, the yellow of the roses were smudged with dirt.

"I can't- can't breathe!" Phil had choked out and Dan was there.

He was always there.

Ryan was lying on the ground now, purple splattered around his cheekbones, red splattered around his nose.

"You didn't have to hit him." Phil mumbled.

"He hit you."

"So?" Phil asked. Dan shrugged.

"You needed help."

"You should've called a teacher-"

"That would take longer and you turned blue again." Dan said and Phil stopped talking. Dan's eyes fluttered to his neck. Purple finger prints hung like a necklace.

"Does it hurt?" Dan asked.

"Not that much."

"You're blue and purple."

"What are you on about?" Phil asked, "Why do you talk in riddles? It's annoying."

Dan fell quiet.

"I don't want to be blue and purple." Phil said after a while.

"Be yellow then." Dan dusted off the dirt on his flower crown. He placed it on Phil's hair, watching it droop into his hair. "Suits you."

Phil smiled a little.

"I said sorry. To PJ." Dan suddenly said because he really wanted Phil to look into his eyes for more than twelve seconds.

"Oh."

"Do you hate me still?" Dan asked, tilting his head.

"A little."

Dan was happy with that and he smiled a lot that day. His mum told him yellow is the colour of happiness and he blushed because he thought of Phil when the word 'happy' was thrown about.

 


	7. cotton candy

Ryan was a bit of an asshole.

But so was Dan.

Ryan stopped hurting Phil because Dan was always glaring and how could an 11 year old look so intimidating?

Dan had black knuckles at this point and that scared a lot of people.

"Do you punch walls or something?" Phil asked and Dan shrugged. Phil moved away because he was supposed to hate Dan- as it turns out, he still hadn't forgiven Dan.

Dan wondered if he could feel anything if he punched a wall because his fists were usually numb with pain.

And it used to ache because he spent a lot of time punching stomachs and jaws but then his dad started punishing him for getting into too much trouble.

"What's this I hear about punching Atticus? Wanna get expelled, you dumb shit?" His dad spat and Dan turned his head down. "Give me your hands."

And he turned them around and whacked them viciously with a wooden ruler until blood leaked out of the split skin.

"You gonna hit anyone again?" His dad asked and he shook his head.

He didn't care at this point anyways, his dad didn't turn his knuckles black anymore- he simply didn't care.

Ryan hurt Phil in different ways and Dan's eyes nearly popped out when he saw Phil scrape away his cotton candy nail polish.

"Why'd you stop?" Dan asked when Phil was forced to sit next to Dan.

("I'm so sorry Phil, you're the only person Dan's calm around, may you please sit next to him?" Mrs White asked and Phil sighed but agreed anyways.)

"It was stupid, anyways." Phil shrugged, feeling a little more self conscious in his cotton candy flower crown.

"You looked nice." Dan said because he felt uneasy. Phil looked down, thinking everything over.

Phil forgave Dan officially when he was called down to the principal's office. It wasn't anything special, he was always there but this time Phil was hanging around flyers and his otolaryngologist said he had great hearing.

Ryan was invited in too because he was Dan's main target nowadays.

Their parents were called too (minus Dan's mum, she had an important meeting to attend).

Phil heard polite arguing and Dan getting suspended. He heard Ryan snickering and his parents scolding him lightly. They left quickly and Dan's dad pulled him to a corner where no one was.

Phil couldn't see them but he could hear the loud slap and the stuttered apologies.

And he heard all the swears and Phil finally understood where Dan learnt all those vile words from.

"You're fucking asking for it this time-" Phil heard, "-you'll have an overdue surprise waiting for you at home, Dan."

Dan was grumpier the next day and he shoved Phil at one point.

But it was ok because he had violet marks on his wrists and jaw.

And he had cotton candy bruises on his back and he shouldn't have come to school because he had been holding back tears the entire time.

"Are you ok?" Phil asked because his mum told him bullies only hurt people because they've been hurt too.

Dan didn't answer because he didn't want to get whipped again.

But he didn't want to lie to Phil's blue eyes and cotton candy smile either.


	8. gold

Phil liked to think he was ' _oh so nice_.'

He liked to think that he was nicest boy in the whole school- the sweetest 12 year old.

It wasn't hard to think that, everyone has been telling him how amazing he is all his life.

And he thought he was such a kind soul being nice to Dan Howell.

He'd address Dan in words sweeter than _himself_.

He'd ask Dan if he was alright every single day.

He'd smile with kind eyes at him.

Dan thought he was being blessed by an angel when Phil grew kinder towards him after he was suspended last year. Maybe God did exist.

He shed his red emotion for the year- for as long as Phil offered warm hugs.

He felt _golden_.

Dan smiled with gold shining through his very soul and his golden eyes crinkled up in happiness when Phil laughed at one of his jokes.

He was sure his grades improved too because teachers were beaming at him with pride.

His face got brighter too, the sinister look in his eyes disappeared for a little while.

"Why're you so happy? No kid's this happy for no reason." His dad commented and even he smiled a little.

But Dan made the mistake of telling his dad the reason of his smiles.

He was so lost in his little world of rainbows and a friendly Phil.

"Phil? The fuck did that bitch do to you?" His dad roared and Dan didn't appreciate Phil's name being dragged through the mud.

"Stand up for yourself!" Phil had told him once when he came to school looking gloomy.

And Dan did.

"Don't call him that! He's a nice person, ok? I don't like it when you-"

Dan was purple once again.

But he tried to stay golden, he'd see Phil tomorrow, that's good.

Phil stroked his purple cheek and asked what was wrong.

"What's up, buttercup?" Phil asked and Dan loved the little ways he'd greet him.

"I- it's nothing." Dan said, "Just some gang who thought they were tough, heh, showed them up, I did." Dan said.

Phil knew he was lying but he played along.

"Did you kill them?"

"Maybe."

Dan was golden again.

He told Phil because maybe Phil would appreciate his colours.

"I feel golden."

"Why do you do that?" Phil asked, offering his sandwich.

"What?"

"Talk in colours."

"I dunno. It helps." Dan said and he wondered if Phil would ask more questions. "Helps what?" he waited for that but Phil only smiled.

"That's cute." Phil already knew. Dan blushed pink instead of red.

He wouldn't stop smiling.

He only stopped smiling when Phil let things slip.

"It's your birthday, isn't it?" Phil asked Dan.

"Yeah, wanna come over? Dad got me some cake." 

"Oh. No I don't." Phil said and Dan felt a little insulted.

"What, why?"

"Your dad's a bit... anyways, nothing, never mind."

"No, finish your sentence."

"it's nothing-"

"Tell me Phil!" Dan screamed and Phil was scared again.

"He's like- I dunno, he hurts you-"

"No he doesn't, you don't know anything." Dan said suddenly.

Phil sighed, "I heard."

"Where did you hear it from?" Dan's heart was beating fast and his golden heart was reverting back to black.

"Um, last year, I heard him hit you." 

"Oh. Your dad doesn't?" Dan asked.

"No Dan."

Dan realised it wasn't normal, being hit.

His eyes were suddenly clouded with grey.

"Is that why you're so nice to me?" He asked and Phil gulped.

"Well I-"

"Do you even like me, Phil? Or do you feel sorry for me?" Dan asked.

"Of course I like you." Phil tried.

"Are you still scared of me?" 

Phil hesitated and the gold left in Dan leaked out of his eyes.

Dan stopped believing in angels.

 


	9. mint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear lord i feel like i should have a schedule for updating  
> I'll try to update everyday (i can't guarantee that I'm obnoxiously lazy literally shout at me to update)

Phil was so bloody pretty.

Dan wanted to hate him, he really did. Phil's soft smiles were only gentle from pity and his kind tone was only made from sympathy.

Dan hated pity.

But Phil was so fucking pretty and he wore mint green leather jackets and white jeans that were a little too tight on him. And he was starting to experiment with makeup and silver highlighter looked so good on him.

Phil respected Dan because Phil couldn't even survive a tackle when his coach made him play rugby. And there was Dan who ate punches everyday after school.

"I'm sorry." Phil said and he meant it this time. 

Dan wasn't good at reading people, he couldn't tell genuine and fake apart but it was Phil and if Phil told him to jump off a bridge, he'd do it.

"It's ok." Dan hated how smitten he was but maybe it was worth it because Phil hugged him and he smelt like mint that day.

"I'm not as scared of you as I was last year." Phil said after the hug and Dan beamed.

They were ok.

Dan didn't feel gold- he felt bronze but that was better than red.

Mrs Wolowitz let the class watch Rise of the Guardians because high school was stressful and the 13 year olds needed a throwback.

Dan pretended he had watched it because everyone had. Angie had seen it three times. Jolene had a Rise of the Guardians birthday a few years back. Phil has seen it in the cinemas.

"Have you seen it?" Phil asked but Dan found it hard to concentrate because his hair was dyed black and could he look more beautiful?

(He said it was a mistake).

"It was meant to be light blue!' Dan had overheard him say from the 'popular' table. "But it went wrong somehow. I mean, I like it, I'm not complaining."

When Phil sat in the sun, his hair turned blue and Dan stared too much.

"Huh?" Dan asked, momentarily distracted, "Yeah, I've seen it, psh, who hasn't seen it?" 

Phil nodded but he stole glances halfway through the movie. No one was really paying attention, Kye and Moey had set up a small game of connect-four in the corner and the girls were gossiping in little groups. Half the boys left the class while Mrs Wolfowitz was distracted.

"You sure you've seen the movie?" Phil asked because Dan looked absolutely mesmerised. 

"Yeah."

Dan wasn't allowed to watch movies, he had turned too many people purple and his dad banned TV until the purple faded back to peach.

"Do you like it? The movie?" Phil asked and Dan would've shushed him but it was _Phil_.

"Yes."

"Who's your favourite character?" Phil asked and Dan turned to him. Phil's eyes were mint green in the artificial lights and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth.

"Pitch Black."

"Why? He's the bad guy."

"He's lonely. No one appreciates him. He's misunderstood." Dan said, looking back, "I get that."

"I appreciate you." Phil said suddenly.

"No Phil, you pity me." Dan corrected.

Phil was silent for a while.

"Do...do you want to come to my house and watch more misunderstood characters together?"

Dan's eyes snapped to him, a tentative smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, ok."

Dan was glad the mint lighting was green enough to hide the pink in his cheeks.

 


	10. pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey sin be w4rned ;))))

Dan wasn't allowed much at home.

His dad let him go on the internet for at least thirty minutes before turning it off. His dad yelled at him if he turned on music and games? What the hell are games?

But Dan felt a little out of the loop because Judith was whispering about ' _masturbation'_ and _'porn._ '

Dan's heard of it before, he knew it was ' _sinfu_ l' as his dad had put it when he first asked. He shouldn't have asked anyways, his raw violet back and wrist were beginning to show hues of green.

Two months after his 14th birthday, his dad went out for the night and Dan figured out how to get internet for more than thirty minutes.

His door was locked and his blinds were drawn. He huddled under his sheets because he was embarrassed of everything he was about to type up.

His face was scarlet after he figured out the whole 'masturbation' thing and he squeaked when he played 'porn' on the highest volume. He couldn't hear the moans, his heart was beating right next to his ear.

His dad was gone for the _whole_ night and Dan had gone through about eight categories of porn.

He gulped when his eyes landed on the little pink box labelled ' _gay_.'

His dad had accused him of being ' _gay_ ' and he had even been beaten because of it. It made him angry, the whole ' _gay_ ' thing.

He pressed it because he was curious and a little angry.

When he was younger, he had tried to hypnotise himself with a watch. It didn't work and his dad hit him upside the head for being so stupid. Hypnotism didn't exist.

But here he was, _hypnotised_.

He found it so goddamn appealing, the bruises on their necks didn't look gross, they looked sexy and the low moans sent shivers down Dan's abdomen.

Dan couldn't help but wonder if Phil has seen these videos.

Dan watched the man covered in hickeys grasp his cock in lubed fingers. Dan tried that after he convinced himself that 'no, you're not being weird, they're doing it, you can too.'

It felt amazing and Dan's always wondered what the opposite of pain felt like.

Dan couldn't help but wonder if Phil has ever been in the same position as him.

His cheeks bloomed pink and fuck, that thought sent a small wave of arousal down to his tip.

Dan hated the thought of hitting Phil, making him bruise but shit, wouldn't the carmine hickeys look so pretty against his ivory skin? Would his underwear be pink and lacy? Would his eyes turn electric with lust?

Dan fell in love with that thought even though he shouldn't have.

And he thought a little too hard about it.

And he reached his high and the laptop tipped to the side a bit and Dan felt like crying because he shouldn't have done that.

His dad wouldn't appreciate it, he would hit him again and what if he dies this time?

he shouldn't have watched the 'gay' section because that was wrong- his dad wouldn't hit him for no reason, right? He fucked up.

He shouldn't have been thinking about Phil like that because it was wrong, it was just- no, it made everything worse and Dan did cry.

When Phil greeted him the next day in his apricot sweater and faded jeans, Dan blushed rose pink and averted his eyes.

"You ok, Dan?" Phil asked and people didn't really stare as much. They used to, last year. Their eyes would grow wide and Dan would glare daggers ta them. Phil was pretty much the only person who talked to Dan.

"Y-yeah. Um." Dan said and Phil sighed.

"What's up? Tell me, it'll make you feel better-"

"Do you watch porn?" Dan asked quickly and it slipped out and the three girls next to them were staring. Phil laughed and dragged Dan away to a quieter corner.

"Who doesn't?" Phil shrugged. Dan was an iridescent pink at this point.

"Um, do you- like- um- do you-"

"Masturbate? Is that what you're trying to ask?" Phil asked and Dan nodded quickly. Phil laughed, pushing Dan's shoulder a little. He winked and Dan's heart was beating next to his ear again.

"What, have you? Is that why you're asking?" Phil nipped. Dan's throat was dry and Phil took his silence as a yes. "Where did my innocent Dan go?"

Dan flushed ivory pink this time and he squeaked out words even he didn't understand.

"I was- you were- I'm just wondering." Dan said and Phil stuck out his tongue.

"What'd you watch?" Phil quipped and Dan crossed his arms.

"I didn't ask you I don't see why it's appropriate for you to-"

"Gay twink in thigh highs gives blowjob to-"

"What the hell, Phil!"

"The first video I watched. Then I watched some dudes have an orgy-"

"What's an orgy?"

Phil sighed and dragged Dan far away.

"Where are we going?" Dan asked, "Are you gonna show me?"

"No!" Phil tutted, "Gonna give you a proper lesson you uncultured swine."

Phil laughed at how pink Dan was at the end.

 


	11. vermilion

Dan was vermilion.

Phil's lips were the colour of bubblegum and Ryan was the only person who got to taste it.

Dan broke two pencils when the two stumbled into class, hair ruffled and lips swollen.

Ryan smirked too much around Dan and Phil acted nonchalant.

Dan should've acted nonchalant too because it didn't matter- it shouldn't matter.

But it did and Dan was vermilion.

"Why him?" Dan asked Phil and they seemed to be quite close at this point. Phil stared at him with confused eyes.

"What."

"Ryan. Why him?" Dan asked. _Why not me?_ He thought with a vermilion mind.

"I dunno, convenience." Phil shrugged, "He was there and horny, I was there and horny..."

"He used to beat you."

"Yeah? So did you-"

"I've never hit you in my life." And it sounded like a watery promise and Phil lost his glare.

"I- that's true, I guess. Well, everyone can change."

"You're quite fast to forgive."

"Who said he's forgiven? Dan, he was _convenient._ " And Dan's eyes widened because Ryan didn't mean anything and he wondered if he himself was convenient.

Is that why Phil even talked to him? He was there, conveniently.

Dan found it hard to read people.

But it was more than easy to read Dan, he was an open book trying to close up.

"Cherries." Ryan ran to catch up to Dan. "He tasted like cherries."

Dan froze.

"Usually he tastes like bubblegum." Ryan tasted him before, "Last time, it was cotton candy."

Dan's fists were clenching and unclenching.

"It was so hot, y'know?" Ryan continued because he was a sad person with no sense of empathy, "Hands were everywhere and his blue nails were pretty sharp." 

Dan could see the scratch marks on Ryan's neck and he wished he had those.

"So fucking good with his mouth." Ryan almost moaned.

"What so you're gay?" Dan spat.

"No, just- he's so feminine with his pinks and makeup, I could've mistaken him for a girl. I did mistake him for a girl."

"Why are you telling me this?" Dan asked.

"I've seen the way you look at Lester." Ryan stood in front of him, "So fucking obvious."

"What, you did that out of spite?"

"I ruined him for you, Howell." Ryan growled, "If you ever get a chance with him, _if_ , I'll always be in your head. _I've_ been there, I've seen- I've _touched_ everything. I've made him cry out in pleasur-"

"Shut up!"

And Ryan could've died that day.

Dan spent the night in a little cell in the police station but Dan didn't cry over that.

He spent 10 days locked away in his room with almost no food.

His dad was ashamed and angry and vermilion too.

His dad seemed to like Ryan more than Dan- that made Dan a little blue.

"Like the son i've never had." His dad said to describe Ryan when he came over to mark a truce.

"Jail? Nearly killed the poor lad! Over what? What were you so angry over?" His dad roared, the beer bottle in his hand shaking. Dan looked down and his dad new the answer straight away.

"Phil?"

Dan wished his mum was around but she ran away when his dad started turning her purple too. Dan stopped liking that colour since that day.

Dan squeezed his eyes shut when the beer bottle was hurled at the wall next to Dan.

"Are you gay Dan?!" His dad hissed, the vein on his forehead popping. "Are you-"

"So what if I am?!"

Dan missed two weeks of school and never had he cried so much.

"The cross." His dad had said, strapping Dan's arm down next to the stove, "Has two straight lines for a reason."

And he was holding a metal rod that burned vermilion at the very tip. Dan screamed when his dad pressed the rod down on his arm. His dad shoved some rags in his mouth to mask the wailing and even his tears were burning.

He was shivering right after because there was blood everywhere, everything burned and he was traumatised.

Vermilion was now just another colour he couldn't feel again.


	12. sulphur

They didn't talk much.

Phil tried to, when he was fifteen, after Dan nearly murdered Ryan with blind rage. He stopped trying at 16 and Dan looked more sad than angry.

Dan didn't talk to anyone whatsoever, teachers learnt to not call out his name.

The world didn't stop revolving because Phil's lips were swollen every two days and he shared glassy looks with almost every guy.

Dan's knuckles healed a long time ago but he relapsed on his 16th birthday and Joe was imperial purple and indigo. They noticed a pattern, Dan would pick on literally anyone who stumbled out the store room with Phil.

So they stopped sneaking around with Phil in fear of Dan.

"What, you're not happy with your sex life so you start picking on mine?" Phil snapped because he was smart and his eyes were keen behind his heart shaped frames.

Dan didn't answer, he had intense bags under his eyes and his lips were stitches to a frown.

"What is wrong with you?" Phil snapped, "You suddenly stop talking to me last year, you- you're evil again." Phil sighed.

Dan looked down, he kept his head down.

"Dan, look at me, please." Phil took a step forward, hooking a finger under his chin. "Are you ok?"

And Dan was shivering again, like how he shivered when his dad branded him with the cross last year. Trauma flashed through his eyes because Phil reminded him of pain.

Like the colour of sulphur.

"Are you...scared of me?" And it was Phil asking him this time.

And Dan whimpered because Phil was bad news. 

"Go away." Dan finally said after he learnt how to form words again. " _Your_ fault, go away Phil."

Dan's frame was thin and his shirt was three sizes bigger. His sleeve rode up because Phil was clutching his wrist tightly and Dan was thrashing about.

Phil gasped and Dan cried some more.

"Your- your arm-" Phil's voice shook. "Did your dad...?" 

Dan sobbed silently and Phil engulfed him in the safest of hugs.

"Oh Dan, it's- you're gonna be ok, you're- ssh, hey, hey, I'm here for you."

Phil was crying too.

And they stayed like that for what seemed like forever.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Phil asked, voice lowered to a whisper.

"Because I'm scared."

Phil let out a whimper and he held Dan's face in his two hands. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to say anything.

He placed a soft kiss on Dan's forehead and Dan never understood the definition of 'safe' until then.

 


	13. cyan

Phil was Dan's safe place.

_Where he spent his weekend._

And he loved Phil, he wasn't sure when it dawned on him. Maybe he loved Phil at six when Phil gave him a purple pansy. Maybe he fell in love at 10, when he placed Phil's yellow flower crown back on his head. Maybe at 12, when Phil made him feel golden inside.

But he knew for sure at 17 because Phil yelled in dark red at everyone who gave Dan strange looks. Phil pushed away Ryan when he tried to poke fun and he stepped away from his table of friends for Dan.

And maybe Phil loved him too.

Or maybe it was pity or a social experiment, Dan's still not good at reading people.

But he knew he meant something to Phil when he gave Dan his favourite flower crown.

"I dunno, you think it's lame but whatever. It's blue and you talk in colours so um, I did some research and blue means protection. And I'm not gonna be around all the time, so, maybe this crown can be your temporary safe place." Phil said and Dan nearly cried.

"I used to have mixed feelings about blue." Dan said, accepting the flower crown.

"Why's that?"

"I used to hate it because, um, I dunno, it's sad. Your lips turn blue when you're cold and sad. My bruises are blue after purple and my veins are blue before my dad tried to bash them red." Dan said. "But your eyes are blue and pretty so it's ok."

Phil hugged him again.

"Your mind is so...mesmerising." Phil said after a while, "I love it."

And he felt cyan that year.

Calm.

Serene.

At peace.

But his dad liked to tell him that everything is temporary so cyan eventually faded to absolute grief.

"I'm moving." Phil told Dan, his fingers clasped to Dan's.

"No."

"I'm so sorry."

"When?"

"Next month."

Dan cried, not over bruises and burns this time.

He missed cyan.

He had a dark blue cloud raining dark blue tears over his head for the whole month.

It was finally Phil's last day and Dan decided he didn't want to wallow in self pity.

Phil used to tell him that the worst thing in life is "regretting things that you didn't do. Do something before it's too late, Dan!"

So Dan decided to tell Phil everything, about how in love he was when Phil suggested they watch misunderstood characters together in mint clothing at 13. About how he turned love to jealousy at 8. About how pretty Dan thought Phil would look with love bites around his neck at 14.

So he wrote out a whole speech almost and he was planning on reading it out to Phil.

Except when he got there, Phil's parents were already in the car.

"He's inside." His mum said when Dan came round. And Dan stood on the porch, hands clammy and everything nervous.

Phil opened the door before Dan could even knock.

"Dan! I didn't think you'd come." Phil said and he looked at Dan's long letter. Dan stared at his eyes and they were cyan.

And he felt at home.

Dan thought he'd never forgive himself if he never tasted the cherries Ryan used to brag about. So he took a brave step and kissed Phil. And he tasted like cranberry red and aqua and golden yellow. Phil started reciprocating a long time ago but Dan was just caught up in the iridescent pink of his tongue, the rainbow of feelings.

And he stepped back, after his rainbow ended, he ran away.

He stopped seeing cyan when Phil left.

 


	14. rosy pink

Everyday killed Dan a little by little.

And he was 18, he was meant to be free but his dad still held on.

He has nowhere to go and Phil was gone.

Phil used to ask him why he hadn't told anyone.

"Like who? Who would I tell?" Dan asked.

"The police?" Phil suggested.

"Phil, I want to." Dan turned to look at him, eyes soft with sadness, "But it's far more complicated than that. He'd kill me, he's dangerous."

And Phil was tempted to tell someone who could do something about it but law was complex and he didn't want Dan to get hurt or die.

Dan felt deflated, everything was in white noise.

Ryan tried to poke fun, now that Phil was gone but even he had a sense of humanity. Everyone left Dan alone.

Graduation was near and Dan felt sick because he couldn't escape.

He threw up a lot, out of emotional and mental stress. And he barely felt colour other than hues or terracotta brown and shades of grey.

His dad used to hurt him for making mistakes. Now he was hurting him for not doing anything at all.

"Fucking lazy, make yourself useful for once." His dad sneered and Dan honestly couldn't deal with that anymore.

And sometimes Dan had no faith whatsoever in anything but it was a cold Thursday and suddenly he believed in angels once again.

He was waiting by the local church that had more graffiti than believers and Dan's bus was late.

His cheeks were beginning to grow scarlet and he turned around, jaw dropping.

"You're back."

And it was Phil and he had pale tears down his pale cheeks.

And Phil lunged at Dan, kissing him back because he waited a whole fucking year for this.

And this kiss was light blue for confusion and ' _is it really you? Is this a dream? what?'_ and then it was fuchsia with ' _you just left me hanging, Dan,_ ' and fawn with ' _I've waited so fucking long for this, oh my God Dan._ ' Phil stopped yelling in pinks and reds and it was finally cyan.

And Phil bumped his nose against Dan's blue one and he let out a soft giggle.

"I fucking missed you so much." 

And Dan was crying pale tears too.

He hugged Phil, so damn tight because he missed cyan and Phil and happiness.

And he was muttering "I love you," more than he was crying but Phil hugged just as tight and pressed a chaste kiss into Dan's curls.

He asked Phil why he was back after and Phil laughed a little.

"Couldn't wait to come back to you." Phil said, "What? you thought I was gonna leave you?"

And Phil liked to talk about the future a lot.

"We're gonna have the nicest apartment together, yeah? And the walls are gonna be pale blue and- unless you want it to be off-white-"

"I could use some colour in my life." Dan said and Phil grinned. And Dan listened to him talk about whatever, he missed his voice, he missed _him_.

"How long are you staying?" He asked.

"Til you're safe."

And Dan kissed him in rosy pink because he could.

 

 


	15. crimson

Everything was meant to be ok now.

Dan's dad was in jail, away from Dan. The angry shades of purple on Dan's body faded back to doe skin and his stomach weren't just bent ribs.

Dan was ok, he was safe- for real this time.

So where was their happy ending?

Phil woke up to bloodcurdling screams and sticky tears.

"Dan- Da-"

But Phil's voice was nothing compared to the crimson horrors going through Dan's head.

Phil shook him awake and Dan curled into him, still shaking from permanent nightmares.

"He- he's not coming back, right?" Dan choked out once.

"He's never coming back, you're safe, you're ok."

But he wasn't and Phil cried in showers because what were they going to do?

Loud noises scared the nineteen year old and Phil had to reassure him with softer colours.

"Don't- don't do that!" Dan yelled when Phil turned the blender on. Phil had him bundled in his arms and he kissed his forehead 19 times.

"Ok, I'm sorry- what about- what about we just buy smoothies instead of, well, making them." Phil offered and Dan nodded and he was just so happy Phil was around.

Crimson and dark purple scared Dan and he felt pathetic.

Phil found him choking on his own tears because the little recipe catalogue Phil bought was a mix of the two colours.

"Hey, hey, it's- it's ok." Phil cooed and he embraced Dan.

He ended up throwing his lilac shirts away.

"Therapy? You want me to see a fucking therapist?" Dan snapped and he was outraged.

"Dan, listen, you've gone through so much and it's only health-"

"I'm not unhealthy, Phil! Look, no bruises."

"Emotionally, Dan, you've been traumatised and therapy-"

"I'm not broken!"

"You have panic attacks every time you see purple, Dan. That's worrying. You choke on your tears every fucking night, you-"

And it was too much and Dan thought red was a dead colour.

But he saw red again and there was a crimson mark on Phil's cheek.

And he burst into tears for the ninth time because he broke too many promises and Phil didn't suit crimson.

He could see Phil fighting back tears.

"I'm so sorry, I'm- I'm-" And he choked on his tongue and his tears.

Phil sighed and he calmed down Dan once again, he let him cling onto his light 'cyan' shirt because cyan meant home.

"I'm so sorry, Phil, I didn't mean to." Dan barely managed through stuttery breaths.

"It's ok, hey, please breathe, ok?" 

"I hurt you."

"It doesn't even hurt Dan. it's ok. Really, you're a little distressed, I shouldn't have pushed you." Phil said.

"I don't want to end up like my dad."

"You won't."

"I don't want to drive you out. Turn you purple and crimson."

"I forgive you."

"I'm a bad person, I'm- I'm-"

And he cried himself asleep, like most nights and Phil was afraid of crimson too.

 


	16. indigo

Phil should've left a long time ago.

He should've stepped away from Dan at 8 or 12. He wouldn't be in the mess he was in now.

Dan wasn't purple anymore, that was good but Phil was. His wrists a cold shade of magenta, his lips indigo from biting too hard.

He stayed because he was in too deep and he loved Dan too much to leave.

"I'm sorry." Dan said when he'd realise he made Phil's cheek indigo. "I'm so sorry."

"It's ok." Phil would reply and he tried his best to keep calm, too deal with it.

Because Dan was going through something bigger than a few bruises.

Phil kept quiet, when he was 20, because noise made Dan red and red meant purple and muffled sobbing in the shower.

But sometimes he'd set the groceries down too hard or his keys would chime too loudly.

"You stress me out!" Dan had yelled and Phil was the one apologising. He liked to think apologies made Dan's punches less harsh.

They didn't.

Phil's knees gave out sometimes, he had spent a lot of time on his fours, trying to crawl away from Dan's red fury. Phil's neck was blotched indigo, Dan liked to choke him in place.

"I'm sorry." Dan said again and he'd say it again in the future.

"Ok." Phil replied because he was tired.

"No, you deserve better."

"I deserve Dan. The cyan one, not the red." Phil said and he hoped he got the colours right. 

"I'm so sorry-" Dan whimpered and Phil sighed, "I'm trying, ok? I just- I don't know what to do."

Dan tried to take a step forward, to hold Phil lovingly but Phil flinched back.

"You need closure. From your dad." Phil said, "That's what you need."

"What?"

"Talk to him, tell him how much pain he brings into your life, just- just be done with him. Face your fears." And Phil stumbled back in fear Dan would strike him again.

And Dan didn't want to do that. But it'd be for the best so he agreed.

"What? You bruising up your precious Phil too?" His dad chuckled when Dan came to visit. He dragged Phil along too. Phil looked down, his indigo bruise burning. "Taking after your dad, aren't you Dan?"

"I'm nothing like you." Dan spat.

"You're exactly like me."

And Dan tried to hit him with the amount of force he used to hit Phil. It didn't work because he was kicked out before he could throw a single punch.

He hugged Phil, his eyes dry because he couldn't cry anymore.

"You alright?" Phil asked and Dan apologised again.

"I- I think I want to take up therapy." Dan said and Phil pressed a kiss on Dan's forehead.

"I'm glad."

"Don't want to be a villain anymore."

"You were never a villain to start with."

And Dan tried to kiss the indigo away and Phil chuckled because it was going to be ok again. Maybe.

 


	17. lavender

It was never going to be ok.

Sometimes Dan hit Phil. He'd kiss the bruises better and he'd make shaky promises not to do it again.

He'd break them and Phil would bear with it.

Sometimes Phil yelled at Dan and ignored him. He watched him shrink back into trauma and he'd apologise because he wasn't thinking and how could he be so ignorant?

Dan would forgive him and Phil would be so damn disappointed in himself.

Maybe he did deserve better, Phil would think, maybe Dan deserved better too.

But then they would have their lavender moments.

Sometimes Dan would stroke pathways onto Phil's bare back in the morning and he'd talk to Phil in colours.

Phil wouldn't understand half of it but that was ok.

Sometimes Phil would paint Dan's nails pale green and call him beautiful.

Dan would scrunch up his nose and he'd tell Phil he had mixed feelings about angels.

Phil's old friends told him that their relationship was unhealthy.

"You got bruises all up your arm! You couldn't even talk last week, he choked you too hard." They would say and Phil would shake his head.

"He's getting better. It's- it's complicated, you wouldn't get it."

They never did but that was ok.

"I'm getting better." Dan said, "Therapist said I should have a happy place." And his voice was muffled in the sheets and Phil groaned in contentment..

"Is it working?"

"Yeah, it is. Wanna know what my happy place is?" Dan asked.

"What?"

"Your arms. Lavender and cyan. Scent of cotton candy and bubblegum." Dan said and Phil hummed. "Why haven't you left yet?"

"I love you too much." Phil answered, eyes drooping.

"I'm so...horrible."

"But I get it. I know what you've been through, I understand." Phil sighed and really, they were _trying_.

And maybe one day they'll both get better and maybe one day they'll reach their happy ending.

"You think the misunderstood guys in stories have a happy place?" Dan asked and Phil nodded.

"Everyone has a happy place."

And Phil smelt like lavender. Dan buried his nose in his shirt and he hummed in content.

"You think we end up there when we die?"

"I hope so."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE ENDDDDD  
> hope you (cried) enjoyed this! I hope that was a good enough ending???  
> Oh well, I shall move onto fluff bc this was a traumatic experience for me  
> hit me the frick up on tumblr @ecstasin


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